debbi's blog

Wwwhhheeeeeeee! Emotional rollercoastering

This week has been a traumatic emotional roller coaster. And its pretty natural and normal to feel this way when you are leaving the country.

I've been starting my afternoons with a good old fashioned panic attack. The kind that cause me to hyperventilate and have very little patience with my beautiful partner. The trouble with our visas is given me something directly to freak out about. But I think my fears run the whole gamut of possible stressors. Moving, selling, boxing, leaving, cleaning, writing, finishing, all of these things need to be finished, all while I go to work, wrap up my files, say goodbye to kids and co-workers, and finish unfinished brochures.

I love that when I'm stressed that I have crazy dreams and do weird sleepwalking tricks. Dave got shot in my dreams the other night. I was pretty unhappy with that. Told off the RCMP officer who shot him.

All the while, I know it'll work out. It always has in some form or another.



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what a lovely party we had this afternoon. i'm too tired to tell all right now. iam so tired from all the fun we had.

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Becoming Orthodox

I just woke up from a dream I had about my time at the Orthodox Church. I went to one in Marda Loop St. Peter the Aleut for around 3 years an got heavily involved. I dated one or two of the boys, attended every Sunday and participated in everything I could. I didn't have many complaints about the teachings and I was really quite drawn to the idea of the mystery of God.

But something held me back. I gave becoming Orthodox a serious consideration. There was something so very right in me becoming Orthodox. I had struggled so long in my faith that I longed for something more concrete than I currently had. I agreed with most bits about the theology, I loved the people and I felt like I had come home. I really did. It felt like becoming Orthodox was a perfect fit for me. Shane once said that the only time I hadn't struggled with my faith was when I attended St. Peter's. And I think that is the complete truth

But then the floor fell out. I ended up having a conversation with an important professor who warned me about becoming Orthodox. I was dating one of the boys at the church and we had a talk about me becoming Orthodox. he had thought I had decideded, but I hadn't. I then had a very bad dream that scared me badly. I decided to talk to the priest about the dream and see if he had any ideas about what it was about. We ended up not talking about the dream but rather talking about me becoming Othordox. It wasn't productive.

So here I am years later looking back with longing. It probably was ignited by seeing one of the girls I knew from St. Peters a couple times this month. Nevertheless, I think that my connection to the Orthodox church is not over quite yet. 

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steaming hot

work your body. work work your body.

Erin and I used her uber-posh passes for the YWCA today. The uber-posh means that there is a sauna and a whirlpool in the change rooms. And hairspray. I made good use of that. But I did go and work out today. I have been promising myself that I would go for a while now and I'm happy that Erin bullied me into it. Ha ha.

I really can't go back to a regular gym. You know, gyms where you have to make sure you're wearing flip flops at all times. Where you are mildly concerned that your locker will get broken into. Where the place looks like it hasn't been cleaned in years. I have been way too spoiled. The gym I went to in China was posh as well. They didn't have a whirlpool, but they did have a steam room and towel service. there was hairspray there too. The thing about posh work out spots is that I don't think I can convince myself to get to the gym unless there is the promise of a naked steam after all my hard work.

Dave and I went to the Leisure Centre the other day. We couldn't go in the pool, "something" was in the pool that wasn't supposed to be there and we only had 1/2 hour until we would get kicked out for Teen Night anyway. So as all of the hot tubs were filled with teenagers, we tried the public steam room. Waste of time. Not only were there giggly teens, but they kept opening and closing the bleeding door! They would open the door, look in and then call 16 of their closest friend into the steam room. So the room went from moderately warm to bleeding freezing as they all held the door for buddy.They stayed for the whole of 30 seconds to turn around and all troop out. Hello, it is actually supposed to be hot in here.

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curling up with my former bed-mate...books

I needed to be by myself this evening. I thought I might want company. But I curled up with a book. Books have always been the perfect escape for me. I loose myself into stories. 

The book I read tonight,Tamarind Woman, was fabulous. A really well-written book. Really magnificent. I would encourage anyone to pick it up. I've bought several novels that are about India and this was the first one of the bunch that I've read. So happy that I did.

 I really like this quote from the book:

"Yesyes, our stories touch and twine, but they are threads of different hues. Mine is almost at an end, but yours is still unwinding. Go you silly girl, build your own memories." 

So many memories to make.  


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Oh, Debbi

I had a cup of coffee on my desk today.

I was talking on the phone when I accidently spilled some of the coffee on my desk.

As I went for tissue to clean the small amount of coffee the phone cord stretched out and knocked over the entire cup of coffee. All of my notes and my desk calender are now a lovely shade of brown.


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running is for crazy people

Today was one of those days that I felt like kicking things. I wanted to kick a filing cabinet or a small shrubbery. I woke up pissed, which is rather unusual, being as though I went to bed in a sugary movie euphoria. Dave had to get me out of bed. Let me say that again. DAVE had to get ME out of bed. Unusual noi?

At one point during the day I thought about crawling under my desk and putting a blanket over my head. I didn't want my crankiness to spread. Crankiness can be like nasty stomach flu. Soon no one wants to go into work.

A heightened level craziness/crankiness during times when I don't eat is well documented. So I must admit that I didn't eat the best today. My breakfast consisted of 4 crackers with a little bit of cheese. I ate very small amount of macaroni and cheese for lunch.

But I think my nasty day is more connected to the dwindling days I have left in Calgary. I am looking at my job winding up and I'm beginning to feel antsy at work. I love my job and I know that I will finish well; I just am beginning to pull away as I prepare to leave.

People often pull away just before they leave. This often symptom of leaving is troublesome because it causes some people to do shoddy work after they give their resignation letter, they disconnect from the community around them and people are often hurt by someone pulling away.

For the person who is leaving it helps them insulate themselves from the pain of having to say goodbye. But I think it is also a natural response when people begin to look into the future. I really love this quote from the Wind in the Willows "In due time...we shall be homesick once more for quiet water-lilies swaying on the surface of an English stream. But to-day all that seems pale and thin and very far away. Just now our blood dances to other music".

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