A Letter to My Darling Son Jasper on the First Year of Your Birth

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Dear Jasper,

One year ago, I got angry at hospital staff and yelled and screamed, embarrassed an anesthesiologist, refused to wear clothes and really made a huge fuss and then...you were there. You were not happy. You yelled. You peed on me. You had a meconium dyed head. Your hands and feet were blue. And you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my entire life.

I loved you when you were floating around in my womb, but nothing compared to having you earthside. You were so tiny. And wrinkly. You were very wrinkly. You looked a bit like an old man really. A really pissed off old man.

Your dad and I were in awe of you and how amazing you were (and are!). We were a bit shocked too. We had gone from a couple to a family. You were ours and we were yours.

We got out of that hospital as soon as possible and snuggled down at home. You taught me how to hold you, how to feed you, how to love you. I breathed in deep your special baby smell and marveled at your tiny feet. I held you to my breast and learned how to feed you. I became a mother.

And you grew and grew and grew. You watched the world with unfocused eyes that soon became sharper and sharper. Now, we can't leave the baby gate open because you're like a hawk (of course you want to play with it!). You see so many things that you just need to touch and feel and put in your mouth (like tiny, choke-able rocks off the ground).

You made crazy sounds while sleeping, and now, you still make crazy sounds but they are more varied. You found your voice and it is often at a pitch that makes me wonder if I am going to have hearing loss. You say "nana" for banana and "garrr" for car and "dada" for Dada. Although you still don't say Mama (what's up with that?).

When you were a baby, you waved your hands wildly in the air. Now you use your pincher grasp to pick up the smallest bit of leaf off the ground. You can pull yourself onto the bed. You run around the house laughing. You throw toys. You put teddy into your toy basket. You throw yourself into my arms. You give wonderful kisses and snuggly hugs.

We chose the Chinese name Ka Hei 家 熙 for you, which means that you bring sunshine into our home. It is the most accurate description of a person I have ever heard. You are our light. Every moment from your birth you have blessed us, taught us, changed us. Your laughter and joy make the all the bits of life so much more perfect. 

Happy Birthday my darling Jasper.


Just born
Mama and Jasper
  • beautiful and touching and funny!


    made me have a little tear!