An open letter to all drunk men at the bar

debbi's picture

Dear Sirs,

I am writing this letter to draw your attention to your own stupidity when you approach me or any person at the bar. This letter is written with men from the ages of 18 to 100 in mind who believe it is their God-given right to impose themselves on anyone they find attractive.

I am aware that being drunk gives people courage (also known as liquid courage). It is often difficult to meet people in this world and having a social lubricant assists some people to form friendships.  There is no problem with striking up a random conversation with a stranger. Perhaps this person could become your very best friend. There is also the chance that they will not become your friend and a higher chance they won't become your conquest of the night.

Let me tell you a familiar story:

A girl goes out to enjoy some music and hang out with her pals. It is during the course of the night that Mr. Slobbering-Drunk zeros in on her. He sits uncomfortably close to her, starts staring and tells her how pretty she is. She asks him to stop staring and moves her chair away from him. He starts rambling on about how he has a thing for one particular facial feature that she happens to have. She asks him to stop, or ignores him or walks away. He then responds angrily or sulkily. That woman doesn't appreciate his comments or attention. She is an ungrateful person. He as MAN should be able to distribute compliments as he so chooses. She is obviously a Neo-Nazi Feminist Lesbian (NNFL).

The moral of the story is to not be an asshole. You are not God's gift to women. You are drunk and therefore brave and perhaps more stupid than usual. So don't act indignant when a woman ignores you, or asks you to stop staring at her, or walks away. Don't call her the Ice Queen or Prissy or any other plethora of swell language I'm sure you can list off the top of your head. Don't tell her friends about how "some" people don't know how to have fun. Just don't.

I'm sure it is all about saving your dignity, but honestly fellows, your friends just had to help you up off the floor after you missed your chair. I don't think you blame any loss of dignity on the fact that a woman just shut you down because you slobbered all over her and told her you like girls with short hair. 


 I just want to listen to the band.

  • Side note: Although I'm not so keen on the Neo Nazi element of NNFL I think that Feminists, Lesbians and Lesbian Feminists are absolutely fabulous.

  • man, I have some sadness knowing people continue to be drunken idiots and chauvinists. I mean, why does alcohol so often bring out people's worst and most creepy characteristics?
    Good post. i live the creative idea of a letter.

  • I'd love to hear this story in person.